For the first time ever, I yielded and wrote for something apart from the simple pleasure that comes from writing for myself. My school gets involved in all sorts of competitions, and we were told that elimination rounds would be held for the Essay and Short story writing, and Poster making contests. But I didn't go. The opportunity to join came and I didn't take it.

Until it came again, knocking on my door louder this time. And how could I say no?
"Essays or Short stories?" I chose the latter. 

Blogging and tweeting aside, the only time I ever let someone read what I write is when we're asked to submit essays for school and our teachers have to go through the process of reading and grading them. My words don't pass through the eyes of any of my friends. Before this contest, I learned that my own mother didn't know that my interest in fiction surpassed merely reading it, to wanting to write it too. 

It was a great experience in itself. Through a few weeks of training, I was able to discover both my weaknesses and strengths. My instructors/mentors liked my imagery, and how I seemed to be able to take them smack right into the story, but I couldn't seem to write fast enough, there were certain topics I couldn't touch, and everything that came out from my pen had mature, dark, and heavy themes. "Can't you write something more cheerful?" "I don't know how to."

It paved a way for improvement. 

Although this was something new for me and I've never been the competitive type, it concerned something that I actually liked doing, so my main reason for joining was for the mere fun of it. Winning would only come second, which is why I wasn't disappointed when I didn't get through Regionals. I'm still trying to decide whether or not that's a bad thing.

{Fun fact: the theme for the Provincial levels was:

Use the same characters in your story and they must be portrayed them as who they are and how they are perceived: Senate-President Juan Ponce Enrile, Miriam Defensor-Santiago, Saint Pedro Calungsod, Vice Ganda, and PNoy.

The theme for the Regionals: Evading the fear and empowering human rights through democracy. Use Emma Watson, Noli De Castro, Miriam Defensor-Santiago, Paolo Avelino, and Charice Pempengco as your characters.}

What I'm going to miss the most are the days we underwent training, even if it was exhausting at times, and the opportunity to meet other people I wouldn't have met or spoken to otherwise, and build connections with them. 

This was a start. A gateway, perhaps. To where, I'm not sure yet.

There was a point between training and the actual contest that I threw my pen down and said, "After this, I don't think I want to write again." Getting the words to come out is exhausting, especially when you have to and not because you want to, and right then, I may have meant what I said, but it's difficult and irrational to quit something that you love.

Sembreak has started and I'm about to review for our special exams. In the middle of it all, I'm also trying to find my way back into words, and into loving it better.