February feels coarse as I rub it against my skin. My birth month. More chapters of my life are unravelling; I wonder what changes will surprise me this year. 

This afternoon I came home from one of the best days I've had since the start of 2012. After hiding myself for more than a year, I revisited my old school, said hello to even older friends, and spent a few hours with two of the best people in my life. For a while, things felt as if they'd fallen into place. Have they? 

M- showed me the length of her trust in the form of a secret; a confession she hurtled on my lap without a warning. I am starting to worry for her, even if we both don't want me to be. She reminded me that not only are we growing older, but also growing up. Sometimes a little bit too fast. Meanwhile, A- still is the way she has always been: clueless and busy. She encompasses herself with trivial things and I know that this is for the best. This is how it's supposed to be. Ignorance is bliss, indeed. And X- is too far for me to reach. I still wish we breathed the same air. We miss you. Come back. It hurts to know how badly she needs us but none of us are close enough to help. 

It felt surreal, being there again. I remembered everything and everyone. And almost everyone remembered me, all except for the new-comers, the ones I'd never met. Even the windows, the hallways. They all remembered who I was. Barely anything had changed while I was away. I knew it as well as a person knows a house that she used to live in, and in a way, it was. I had to relive it all for a brief period of time. But of course, things have left their mark. Too many people have left. Sometimes I miss the person I used to be, the people I used to be with, and the life I used to live- almost. Then it occurs to me that nostalgia is a place. 

When you revisit a place you knew... do you lose yourself to a younger you--

do you disappear into who-you-were? - P. Pilar

Dear you., 

I never expected to meet you again this soon. (In my mind our reunions always take place after the lapse of ten to twenty years.) Have we met as two different people? Are we better now? Or are we the way we've always been? I wish there were fewer people, less periods of silence, more words to surround ourselves in. Your smile hasn't changed. I wonder which parts of you already have. And you're right, you silly bastard. I've missed you. Everything from the frame of your glasses to the tone of your voice. I'll never forgive you for it.